I haven't much to say these days. My supply of 'happy' pills is, well, drying up. I'm not sure if I should get a second batch or just substitute for something else. My exams are in a week's time from Monday. I'm not sure if I can attempt any questions. I'm not sure of a lot of things. I'm not even sure of who I am. I am not sure about what I am going to do from June onwards. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm not sure what is going to happen. But it's starting to look a little like May, 2006. The terrible period when I wanted to dye my hair purple and run all over the country semi-nude, half drunk and overly exhilarated. Then I hit rock bottom, stayed under the covers and listened to Janis Joplin. I dun remember how I snapped out of that but I did. Or at least I think I did.
On a different note. It's terrible to find out something new, something that perhaps you would have been better off not knowing. You lose sleep over it, you lose perspective and you lose momentum of life. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. What is of no importance, should not be prodded. Simple basic rule of life. Why then is it so hard to follow?
Victorians, Drama, Renaissance & Restoration, The Novel. Inter-twining stages, different identities. I'm mangled-tangled in the web weaved by the 4.
I finally got a guitar. Woo Hoo! Good bye piano lessons, hello guitar lessons. Birthday present from an aunt (who either loves me very much or couldn't stand my whining about not having one). However, strict rules by the mother. No touching it till exams are over. In other words, I am being withheld from music because literature is my supposedly top current priority. And to think I've taken pride in allowing myself to believe that I have a place in both worlds.
It's 10 pm and my 'day's doings' lists Dickens, Victorian Analysis, Stoker & Stevenson. I haven't touched a single thing. Did I say it's 10? I meant 3 minutes after 10. As I subconsciously empty my glass of ice water, I realise that it's pointless pretending to be or do anything. Tomoorrow is a new day hence a new list.
With each passing day, the feeling intensifies. Feelings of envy, longing, dread.....How nice human life would be if it was void of feelings. Yes, we'd be merely existing but we'd be existing without sensless worry.
On a different note. It's terrible to find out something new, something that perhaps you would have been better off not knowing. You lose sleep over it, you lose perspective and you lose momentum of life. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. What is of no importance, should not be prodded. Simple basic rule of life. Why then is it so hard to follow?
Victorians, Drama, Renaissance & Restoration, The Novel. Inter-twining stages, different identities. I'm mangled-tangled in the web weaved by the 4.
I finally got a guitar. Woo Hoo! Good bye piano lessons, hello guitar lessons. Birthday present from an aunt (who either loves me very much or couldn't stand my whining about not having one). However, strict rules by the mother. No touching it till exams are over. In other words, I am being withheld from music because literature is my supposedly top current priority. And to think I've taken pride in allowing myself to believe that I have a place in both worlds.
It's 10 pm and my 'day's doings' lists Dickens, Victorian Analysis, Stoker & Stevenson. I haven't touched a single thing. Did I say it's 10? I meant 3 minutes after 10. As I subconsciously empty my glass of ice water, I realise that it's pointless pretending to be or do anything. Tomoorrow is a new day hence a new list.
With each passing day, the feeling intensifies. Feelings of envy, longing, dread.....How nice human life would be if it was void of feelings. Yes, we'd be merely existing but we'd be existing without sensless worry.
posted by Sang at 9:41 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home